Gandalf The Grey
I actually remembered my user id this time and thus herein lies my 2nd entry, hurray to me that this blog was not created in vain.
I feel so tired these days. Stale air....sluggish air....all I want to do is just eat and sleep. My work hangs in mid-air as I can't open my eyes anymore and my brain comes to a standstill...literally. I for one am someone who cannot function without adequate zzzz's. Hence the title of this blog.
Ever since I discovered that my creativity peak was collapsing in a mad avalanche, my deadlines of my stories have been delayed, postponed, all in a vain attempt to buy time. I resorted to burning the midnight oil and sacrificing sleep. It's amazing how the hours get swallowed up by mere fruitless thoughts. I'll be staring at the screen, wondering how to start a story and just when I type my first letter, hours have passed me by. Midnight suddenly became mid dawn. ARRRRGGGH!
Sleep deprivation is not a pre-possessing sight. 24 hours without sleep makes one's countenance look ashen. Actually grey is a better word. Yes, after one such zzzz-less episode, I have looked into the mirror and screamed in fright at the sight that greets me. My parlor is ash grey. No amount of makeup and concealer can hide it. It is scary but the shade seems to devour anything that is put on top of it. Then there's the feeling that accompanies it. You feel like crap. How I long for the days of doing nothing.
You are looking at someone who can zone out and think of nothing and I mean nothing. Picture this: My mind=jet black nothingness=Zone out me. I'm simple like that. My hubby and ex's used to wonder how that was possible. I tend to fish out men who are complex thinkers. Who can't...in their words....stop thinking. Even at rest, they profess to think ceaselessly, their brain in overdrive. Psst, I'll let you in on a secret. I actually have heard them think. I kinda imagine those mechanical cogs in their skull cap, clicking and ticking like clockwork. If that freaks you out, it's like the fan belt in your computer harddrive whirring noisily. Weird. You know that someone is in an active mode of thought just by sensing their vibes. They have this really active aura around them. Like a forcefield. I used to ask them how that was possible? How could one keep thinking without having a break? I'd tell them just zone out. Think of nothing. They couldn't fathom what I was saying. They thought I was the one that had too simplistic a view on life.
****a break of one hour****
I just woke up. Sorry I had to leave my blog and go catch some snooze. The makeshift bed is just a foot away from where I'm sitting now. Sleeping on a really flat uncomfortable yoga mat which provides little buffer to my laminated maple wood floor can be quite relaxing...that's if you're darn tired. But I like sleeping like that. I've gotten used to the hardness. My body and bones seem to have adjusted quite nicely. I like that when I wake up, I don't know where I am, what time it is, what am I doing here. I wonder if this is how its like when you're in that in-between plateau of life and death. That must be quite nice. It takes a few seconds to reconcile myself with the present surroundings. Then reality slowly creeps into me, like a misted bathroom mirror that clears up after a door or window is opened to let in some air.
Now I'm sitting in front of the computer screen, my 1/4 written story still not done. Its getting so darn tedious to write these days. My inspiration well is so dry, its like running your fingernails on the blackboard. Whatever happened to the prolific writer in me? I may have overdid it. Taking on so many writing jobs that I just can't pen anything anymore. Instead of working on my story, I'm doing this...writing my blog. I always was the greatest procrastinator on earth. Going by the book of "Thou shalt put off what you can do today". Greatest procrastinators make the worse writers. With luck, I'll be able to finish this story and proceed on to the other 4 freaking stories.
Please god, give me the inspiration to write. Or just give me a quick death. I can't write and it's killing me.
I feel so tired these days. Stale air....sluggish air....all I want to do is just eat and sleep. My work hangs in mid-air as I can't open my eyes anymore and my brain comes to a standstill...literally. I for one am someone who cannot function without adequate zzzz's. Hence the title of this blog.
Ever since I discovered that my creativity peak was collapsing in a mad avalanche, my deadlines of my stories have been delayed, postponed, all in a vain attempt to buy time. I resorted to burning the midnight oil and sacrificing sleep. It's amazing how the hours get swallowed up by mere fruitless thoughts. I'll be staring at the screen, wondering how to start a story and just when I type my first letter, hours have passed me by. Midnight suddenly became mid dawn. ARRRRGGGH!
Sleep deprivation is not a pre-possessing sight. 24 hours without sleep makes one's countenance look ashen. Actually grey is a better word. Yes, after one such zzzz-less episode, I have looked into the mirror and screamed in fright at the sight that greets me. My parlor is ash grey. No amount of makeup and concealer can hide it. It is scary but the shade seems to devour anything that is put on top of it. Then there's the feeling that accompanies it. You feel like crap. How I long for the days of doing nothing.
You are looking at someone who can zone out and think of nothing and I mean nothing. Picture this: My mind=jet black nothingness=Zone out me. I'm simple like that. My hubby and ex's used to wonder how that was possible. I tend to fish out men who are complex thinkers. Who can't...in their words....stop thinking. Even at rest, they profess to think ceaselessly, their brain in overdrive. Psst, I'll let you in on a secret. I actually have heard them think. I kinda imagine those mechanical cogs in their skull cap, clicking and ticking like clockwork. If that freaks you out, it's like the fan belt in your computer harddrive whirring noisily. Weird. You know that someone is in an active mode of thought just by sensing their vibes. They have this really active aura around them. Like a forcefield. I used to ask them how that was possible? How could one keep thinking without having a break? I'd tell them just zone out. Think of nothing. They couldn't fathom what I was saying. They thought I was the one that had too simplistic a view on life.
****a break of one hour****
I just woke up. Sorry I had to leave my blog and go catch some snooze. The makeshift bed is just a foot away from where I'm sitting now. Sleeping on a really flat uncomfortable yoga mat which provides little buffer to my laminated maple wood floor can be quite relaxing...that's if you're darn tired. But I like sleeping like that. I've gotten used to the hardness. My body and bones seem to have adjusted quite nicely. I like that when I wake up, I don't know where I am, what time it is, what am I doing here. I wonder if this is how its like when you're in that in-between plateau of life and death. That must be quite nice. It takes a few seconds to reconcile myself with the present surroundings. Then reality slowly creeps into me, like a misted bathroom mirror that clears up after a door or window is opened to let in some air.
Now I'm sitting in front of the computer screen, my 1/4 written story still not done. Its getting so darn tedious to write these days. My inspiration well is so dry, its like running your fingernails on the blackboard. Whatever happened to the prolific writer in me? I may have overdid it. Taking on so many writing jobs that I just can't pen anything anymore. Instead of working on my story, I'm doing this...writing my blog. I always was the greatest procrastinator on earth. Going by the book of "Thou shalt put off what you can do today". Greatest procrastinators make the worse writers. With luck, I'll be able to finish this story and proceed on to the other 4 freaking stories.
Please god, give me the inspiration to write. Or just give me a quick death. I can't write and it's killing me.
posted by Air at 2:35 PM
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